White Noise

Confessions of a Human Brain

Archive for February, 2010

On your death bed

Posted by Joe on February 1, 2010

Once there was a really old man, who had three sons.
His sons loved him very much and the old man too loved him dearly.
The old man was really old that nobody even remembered his name.
Of course his sons knew his name, but never called him with his name.
All of his friends who could call him by his name had long been dead.
We know his name and we will call him by his name Peter.

Yes he hoped to be like Peter Pan who never grew up.
Still he was happy with the way things have gone for him.
His sons are still alive, and he is sure he will die before any one of them meet their end.
The grandsons of his sons are expanding their family fortunes all over the world.
Peter really felt like a Badshaw of Persia.

Now he felt that he is becoming a burden for everyone around him.
He has enjoyed his life, got his children, and have seen their grandchildren.
There should be no reason for him to live in this world.
More than this feeling, the feeling of boredom was affecting him badly.

He was sick most of the times, and when he is fine, he can hardly walk around his big house once before resting to his cot.
It has been aeons since he has rode his bike.
His bicycle, which was the first thing he posses of his own, is just a memory in his mind.
His bicycle and bike, unlike Peter, has stood the test of time, and are still carrying his sons and grandsons and sons of grandsons, so and so forth.

Talking to his nurses and doctors day after day is tiring on him.

He wanted to end his life.

He realized that this is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.. Wanting to end your life, but not able to die.
He is not a broken hearted lover, or a stock broker during 1929.
Neither he Hitler nor a Kamakaze pilot.
His condition is just plain old boredoom and nothing else.

Television didn’t interest him, internet didn’t concern him.
He was in his very old world, and he was bored with everything he had.
He has read his fill, and with failing eyesight, even though reading books is out of question,
he has long lost his interest in books.

With nothing left other than to wait and die, he wanted to face death head on.

Of course he was not afraid to die, because, like a soldier in the charge of light brigade, he is ready to face the enemy head on.
But for him, suicide is out of question.
He never like suicide, and he never liked the people assisting others to die.
Suicide according to Peter is the coward’s way of life.
People commit suicide because they are afraid to live, but Peter on other hand, want to die not because of the fear of like, but the indifference of it.

He realized that, his mind is uttering whatever to what ever is happening around him.
He has stopped caring for anything around him, as they were boring and this stoppage in caring for stuff around him, has made him bored.
Definitely he is caught in a vicious circle, and unfortunately he was ready to go down than come around it.

Finally he decided what he thought was a good idea.

(To be continued………)


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